I thought they were comfortable with me until I found the note

For months, I thought the women at my salon were comfortable with the way I joked and touched them.

They always smiled, and nobody ever told me to stop.

Then I found an anonymous note under the front desk saying one of the workers no longer felt safe being alone with me.

My name is Kat, and I work as the receptionist and manager at a Vietnamese-owned nail salon in Austin, Texas.

The owners have always been very nice to me.

They treat me well, trust me with the schedule, and let me handle most customer problems without checking every little thing I do.

I really enjoy working there.

Most of our nail techs are young Vietnamese women. They are friendly, hardworking, and very pretty.

I am attracted to women, but nobody at the salon knows that.

I never told them because I did not think my personal life was anyone’s business.

At work, I answer the phone, schedule appointments, greet customers, collect payments, and make sure the technicians stay on time.

Because I am at the front all day, I talk to every worker.

We joke around when the salon is slow. They tell me about customers, food, family problems, and people they are dating.

Sometimes they teach me Vietnamese words and laugh when I say them wrong.

I started feeling like I was part of their group.

There was one nail tech named Linh who spent a lot of time near the front desk.

She was 25 and always joking with me.

She would show me pictures on her phone, ask what I thought about her clothes, and complain about men who messaged her online.

I thought she was beautiful.

Sometimes when she walked past me, I touched her shoulder or lightly tapped her waist to get her attention.

She never told me not to.

She usually laughed or kept talking like nothing happened.

Another worker named Mia was also very friendly with me.

If she wore a new shirt or changed her hair, I complimented her.

Sometimes I touched her arm while talking.

Once, I moved a piece of hair away from the back of her shirt.

She smiled, so I assumed she was comfortable.

I liked those little moments more than I should have.

I was not trying to scare anyone.

I never said anything sexual, and I never touched anyone in a private area.

But I knew part of the reason I enjoyed touching them was because I was attracted to them.

I kept that part to myself.

Since they did not know I liked women, I think they saw me as another female coworker being friendly.

That made me feel less nervous about it.

I told myself women touched each other all the time.

They hugged, fixed each other’s clothes, and sometimes leaned against one another while looking at a phone.

I thought what I was doing was the same.

Then a new nail tech named Amy started working with us.

Amy was 29, quiet, and serious about her work.

She was polite to me, but she did not joke as much as the others.

During her first week, I tried to make her feel included.

I asked questions, helped her understand the schedule, and showed her where we kept everything.

One afternoon, I walked behind her and placed both hands briefly on her shoulders.

I told her she needed to relax because she looked nervous.

Her body became stiff.

She moved forward and said she was fine.

I noticed her reaction, but I told myself she was only shy.

After that, she became even quieter around me.

If she needed something at the front desk, she stood a few feet away.

When I walked behind her station, she moved closer to her customer.

I should have understood what that meant.

Instead, I became annoyed.

I thought she did not like me.

A few weeks later, the owner asked me whether there were any problems between me and the workers.

I said no.

He asked whether I was sure.

That made me nervous.

I asked why he wanted to know.

He said someone had complained that there was too much touching and personal attention at the salon.

He did not say who complained.

He only reminded me that I was the manager and needed to make everyone feel comfortable.

I immediately thought of Amy.

I felt embarrassed, but I also felt defensive.

I told him I treated everyone the same way.

He said that might be part of the problem.

For the rest of the day, I kept my hands to myself.

I stopped touching shoulders, arms, and backs.

The salon suddenly felt strange to me.

Every movement I had made before started replaying in my head.

I wondered how many times someone had smiled only because I was the manager.

I wondered whether anyone had wanted to tell me to stop but felt afraid it would affect her schedule or appointments.

That night, while closing the front desk, I found a folded piece of paper underneath the appointment book.

There was no name on it.

The note said one of the workers felt uncomfortable when I touched her body and watched her too closely.

It also said she did not know how to confront me because I controlled the schedule.

I read it three times.

The part about the schedule hurt the most.

I had never threatened anyone or punished anyone for not liking me.

But I suddenly understood that the workers might not know that.

To me, I was only Kat, the friendly coworker at the front.

To them, I was also the manager who decided who got busy shifts and who took walk-ins.

The next morning, I asked the owner whether I should apologize to everyone.

He told me not to turn it into a large salon discussion or pressure anyone to identify herself.

He said the best apology would be changing my behavior.

So I changed it.

I stopped touching everyone unless someone clearly offered a hug first.

I stopped commenting on their bodies or how attractive they looked.

I kept compliments simple and professional.

I also changed the way we handled the schedule so the owner reviewed it with me every week.

At first, some workers noticed the difference.

Linh asked why I had become so serious.

I told her I was trying to be more professional.

She laughed and said I had never made her uncomfortable.

That made me feel better for a moment.

Then Mia said nothing.

She only looked down at her station.

I started wondering whether the note had come from Amy, Mia, or someone else completely.

A few days later, Amy approached me after closing.

She thanked me for giving her more space.

She did not accuse me of anything.

She did not say she wrote the note.

But I understood.

I apologized for touching her shoulders without asking.

She said she knew I probably did not mean anything bad, but she did not like being touched at work.

That was all.

She was calm, and somehow that made me feel worse.

I had spent weeks thinking that because nobody spoke up, everybody was comfortable.

The truth was that silence did not mean permission.

Now I am more careful, but things do not feel the same.

I still enjoy talking to the women I work with.

I am still attracted to some of them.

I just know those feelings are mine to manage, not something they should have to deal with during work.

Nobody at the salon knows I like women.

Part of me thinks I should tell the owner so he understands why I am taking the situation seriously.

Another part of me worries that coming out now would make the workers question every friendly thing I ever did.

I am also wondering whether I should apologize privately to Mia and Linh, even though they never said they were uncomfortable.

I do not want an apology to create more pressure or make them feel like they have to comfort me.

I honestly believed I was only being playful and affectionate.

Now I realize I may have used their smiles as permission because that was easier than asking.

Should I say anything more, or should I keep my distance, act professionally, and let my changed behavior speak for me?